Danger Park

Ode to a Bad American Car

2008-12-18T23:40:00.000-08:00

This is a car. This is an American car. It was manufactured in the 70's. A company named Ford made it. It was birthed by baffons, drawn-up by morons and sold by men named 'Joe' and 'Buck'. I hated this car; it was bestowed upon from above like boils on Job's festered skin. This car was rolled into my life and it bore the name, "Ford Mustang II".

Not the actual car. Not to scale.

I drove this car during my years in High School in the late-90's. For millions of years men reproduced quite easily with the opposite sex by flexing their muscles, acting charming or by the crude and under-academically-understood act of the wagging of genitalia - so we read. Quite like a wardrobe full of piano ties, this Mustang reversed all the hard-fought gains by men with women and produced in the opposite sex a very obvious revulsion for anyone unlucky enough to be sitting in the driver seat. If men are to tell you the opposite occurs for owners of a Mustang II, you should take their fallacious tale cum grano salis.

I did my best to modify the car, in a crude teenager manner I 'spray-painted' some interior pieces with interior-paint; mostly to hide the ghastly cranberry color some coked-up designer in the bowels of Ford's Dearborn headquarters decided on whilst spinning a color wheel. These modifications did not attract females.

The idea at Ford during the tumultuous 70's was to produce a car that gave it's owner respectable fuel economy. The Big 3 had taken it between the legs when gas prices screamed north of 25¢. So, a scrappy bunch from across the Pacific, once defeated in a large world-wide war, decided to satisfy the demand for small, fuel-efficient cars right here in America. They sent over Honda's, and Toyota's, and the people that drove these cars might have looked funny, but they still got laid. Or, so it goes.

How I see it, this confused the Big 3. One-third of the 3, Ford, decided they had a plan to beat-back the encroachment of the Japanese automakers. Their plan involved the most iconic, powerful and sexy car of the 20th century - the Ford Mustang. An interesting idea, but long-story-short a man named Lee Iacocca snuffed it all up by seemingly directing his worker's passions towards making the more like the Ford Pinto (puke) then the Ford Mustang.

Ford Pinto. A back-end only a mother could bare to take-in. Ghastly.

The Mustang lost it's soul. Sold out by an evil 'ism - short-term'ism (or complete and utter incompetence). This most certainly isn't a word, and I don't care. The Idea (capital I) still holds up to scrutiny; which is: sacrificing all alternatives and long-term goals for maximizing quarterly profit. I understand that I'm being unfair in this instance, making sweeping-general claims about an industry based on my narrow experience with a vehicle, but when I read and think about the current situation the Big 3 find themselves in currently, I can't help but think back to my own experiences and make the generalization that American auto makers have made their own bed.

Now, bailing out the Big 3 might cause a radical change in how they do business - for example GM might actually think of themselves as an automobile manufacturer, rather than a ridiculous financial thing-a-ma-jig that employs cocks who expound on the merits of the CDO market and swaps in the hallways - epic fail.

Ode - noun: 'a lyric poem with complex stanza forms'. Speaking of epic fails, my title is rubbish in describing the preceding paragraphs. There were no stanzas and the only mildly poetic thing, in all tragic sense of the composition, that I can part with is this image. Yikes.

Predator Killing You

2008-07-15T22:42:00.001-07:00

The Stupidest Bike Lane Ever

2008-03-27T15:52:00.000-07:00

Slate thinks the stupidest bike lane in the US is located in Los Angeles, CA near Wilshire. Watch the video and tell Slate where you think the stupidest bike lane ever is.

Mycelium

2008-03-03T21:16:00.000-08:00

"...ecosystems...decomposition..."

Energy

2008-01-26T12:45:00.000-08:00

"To have a capacity for a passion and not to realise it, is to make oneself incomplete and limited".

—Oscar Wilde

There Will Be Sadness (FUCK!!~)

2008-01-22T14:32:00.000-08:00

Heath Ledger died today. The Oscars chose dark, and moody movies to nominate. The stock market around the World is crashing. I saw a monster destroy New York City last night; every character in the movie died.

Search Google images for "deep sadness". The majority of images are obituaries or notices informing that someone died. Death is on our minds.

"A man sees in the world what he carries in his heart."
—Johann Wolfgang Goethe

Seth Rogen to 'Make a Porno'

2008-01-15T23:33:00.000-08:00

Well, Seth Rogen, along with, Craig Robinson. Traci Lords (porn star), Elizabeth Banks (Beth from 40 Year Old Virgin), Jason Mewes, Kevin Smith (fat genius!), Ricky Mabe, Jeff Anderson and oh yeah, Katie Morgan (porn star). The title is "Zack & Miri Make a Porno". When hard times hit two best friends in the movie, they look to their friends to star in a porno, you know...to make cash...cause people watch porn right?!

So far, the cast seems to qualify for what's required to make a Kevin Smith-esque romp through a moment in the life of arrested adults: choke full of people acting like teenagers. Maybe it'll be the first porn where shit goes terribly wrong and no one gets laid - hey, Seth Rogen got laid in Knocked Up...there is hope for this porno movie after all. We give it's chances of success 4 boners.

—Hollywood Reporter

The Future

2008-01-14T22:09:00.001-08:00

"It is with the future that we have to deal. For the past is what should not have been. The present is what man ought not to be. The future is what artists are."
—Oscar Wilde

THE PRESENT

Art Receptivity

2008-01-14T13:14:00.000-08:00

"The work of art is to domniate the spectator: the spectator is not to dominate the work of art."
—Oscar Wilde

Reactor

2008-01-13T18:56:00.000-08:00

Without fail, I will
Introduce to you,
Horror.

Subversion

2008-01-12T14:41:00.000-08:00

We'd never get Monty Python onto television today.

Oscar Wilde

2008-01-12T02:56:00.001-08:00

Poetic but insufferable to 19th century England. I suggest you take some time this month to read either Dorian Gray or one of Oscar Wilde's essays. Easily found online or at a library, you must know what a library is.

"A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally."

"A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction."

"Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much."

"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."

Megan Fox

2008-01-11T12:37:00.000-08:00